Awestruck
by ItsOnMars
Summary: Lucius couldn't remember what awe or happiness felt like.  He wasn't sure what he was living for anymore.


**Awestruck **

**OOO**

Lucius Malfoy had first experienced awe when he was four years old. It was one of his first memories, and he remembered it with nostalgia, almost sadly. He had been sitting quietly in his room, playing with the miniature toy broomstick his father had given him that morning. It was only a few centimeters long, much too short to sit on. Lucius just sat solemnly on the carpet, watching as the broomstick whizzed around his large room. He felt alone, inexplicably so. That was one of the few emotions Lucius remembered when he thought of this memory; the overwhelming feel of loneliness. That solemn stare and wrinkle between his blond eyebrows had disappeared, however, when he heard light footsteps approaching. He shot up hurriedly, running towards the door. Lucius had stopped abruptly in front of his mother and had straightened his shoulders, fixing his clothes to make sure they were unwrinkled and that he looked presentable.

Standing in front of him had been his mother. It was very rare that she spoke to him on purpose, even rarer that she come to his room. Lucius held back the wide smile threatening to appear on his face as he gazed into his mother's cool silver eyes, so different from his father's warm blue ones.

"Hello, mother."

She didn't reply; instead, she looked down at him, the frown that she usually wore not present. Instead she seemed sad, disappointed; Lucius now realized that his mother hadn't been sad, that he had misread her thoughtful look as one of sorrow. After all, why would his mother be wearing anything other than a look of disappointment or scorn when she looked down at her only child, a quiet boy instead of the lively daughter she had always wanted?

"Did you want to tell me something, mama?"

"Don't call me that."

She had finally said something, and that made the small Lucius beam, his happiness no longer concealed. Her words had not been harsh; instead, they were calm, almost kind. They were certainly kinder than the insults she used to spew at him.

"I'm sorry, mother. Did you want to tell me something? I've been a good boy, you know? I was just sitting there and playing with the broomstick. I promise I wasn't doing anything bad."

She had nodded, which had made Lucius' smile even wider. After all, it was very rare that his mother actually listened to what he said.

"I know, Lucius. You're always a good boy, aren't you?"

"Y-yes, mother, I think so."

The grin had started to fade as Lucius looked up at his mother in confusion. She was being unnaturally kind, and he could only assume that she was about to be mean to him. After all, everyone knew that fathers were the nice parents. Mothers didn't love their children as much as fathers did.

"I have something to tell you, son."

"Oh."

"Don't look so worried, and stop shrinking away from you. I'm not going to hit you!"

Lucius had nodded fearfully, hearing the way his mother's voice rose. That was never a good sign; but the anger fled from her face, and instead she had looked weary, exhausted. A deep sigh had escaped from her.

"I just wanted to tell you that I think you're a good boy. You're a good son, Lucius."

She smiled at him, and Lucius was awe-stricken. He had never seen his mother smile before; it was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen before. And with that she had left his room, closing the door shut behind her. She was long gone by the time Lucius quietly replied.

"I love you, mama."

The next morning Lucius had woken up to hear his father crying. His mother had disappeared, leaving no traces behind.

She never came back, and Lucius never forgave her. His father became harsher, no longer as doting on his son as he had once been. He became immersed in his work, determined to become the famous wizard he would be known as.

Lucius had no such ambitions; instead, he stopped smiling. He only smirked, obnoxiously so. Happiness was no longer important to the small child. Power was.

**OOO**

Lucius felt awe for the second time nine years later when Narcissa Black smiled at him for the first time. She was the third person that had ever truly smiled at him; no one else showed him what their beams looked like. They were all too busy giving him their best meek smirks in order to win his favor. But Narcissa Black was the only person aside from his parents who ever smiled at him so truly that her face lit up in joy. Lucius could never remember why she had smiled at him, or when exactly in his third year. The only thing he remembered was the old feeling of happiness and awe bubbling up inside of him as he stared at the blonde girl in front of him. It was on that day that he promised to himself that she would become a part of his life.

**OOO**

It had taken thirteen years for someone else to smile at Lucius. Narcissa continued to beam at him, even more so after she married him; and every time a smile lit up his wife's face, Lucius couldn't help but feel the now familiar feeling of awe. But having his newborn smile give him a sleepy smile inspired a new feeling in Lucius. It wasn't just awe, and it wasn't just happiness. It was a mixture of the two that he had never felt before; not when his mother smiled at him, or his father, or his wife. It was a feeling that he only had felt when looking at his son.

Draco grew older, and he continued to smile. When he was three years old, the boy would smile and laugh at practically anything; he was spoiled rotten by his parents, that was true, but Draco himself was a sweet child, kind to everyone. He took after Narcissa in that aspect.

When he turned five, Draco stopped smiling. Instead of being the delightful and delighted child he had once been, he now turned sad; he would mope, and would oftentimes be angry and cruel. Lucius never asked the boy why. He just assumed he was growing up, turning into the man that his ancestors would be proud to associate with the Malfoy family.

At about the same time, Narcissa stopped beaming at him. She would still smile, that was true; but she never beamed at him like she used to do so frequently. She saved her smiles for their son.

**OOO**

Lucius couldn't remember what awe felt like. And happiness, the closest he came to that was the relief he felt when he saw that Lucius and Draco had survived the Final Battle.

The Dark Lord was dead. Lucius's father was dead, his mother was gone, his wife didn't seem to love him anymore, and he doubted that his son had ever loved him, at least not after he turned five.

Lucius wasn't sure what he was living for anymore.

**OOO**

**Well. That came out more depressing than I thought it would.**

**Anyway, that was written for Essa the Twerp's "Anything You Wanna Write Competition- Round Two". My character was Lucius Malfoy and I had the prompt "struck". **

**And… that's all, I guess!**

**Sincerely,**

**ItsOnMars :)**


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